is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
