So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
