I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
