he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
