New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
