can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
