Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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