A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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