You can't special order awesome
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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