there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
