haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
