you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
