Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
