Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
