just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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