My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
