I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
