DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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