Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
