I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
