I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
