im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
