I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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