tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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