i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
