How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
