this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
