I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
