im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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