Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
