I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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