I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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