Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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