You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
