Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
