my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
