New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
