I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
