are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
