hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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