Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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