Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
