I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
