I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
