i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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