Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
