and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he thought i was a dude.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
