Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
