I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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