one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
high people should be assigned attendants
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
